I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
