found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
