there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
