Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
