we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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