your parents love me but you hate me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
