Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
