So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Damn victory sex feels great
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