What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
