yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
