i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
