If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
