Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
why is half of my head shaved?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
