I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
