What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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