you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
