First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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