I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
