Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
