Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
