My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
