I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
