Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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