Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
