First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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