Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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