my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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