you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
