it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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