Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
