Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
