That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
