So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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