you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
