1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
