somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sober January is a disaster.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
