Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
