i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
