How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
