i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
