all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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