You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
