I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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