He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You pole danced in your parka.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
