I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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