i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
