I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
