If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
