then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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