i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
